Anger With God: Doubt

Perhaps one of the most frustrating things for me to deal with is doubt.  Doubt is what keeps me up at night worrying about things I have no control over.  I know this, but can do nothing to curb it.  That’s what makes it so frustrating to me.  Let me just clarify, my doubts are not over whether God exists.  My doubts are over my present situation.

My doubts cover a wide spectrum.  Am I still called to work in a church?  If so, why can’t I find a job?  Did I make the right choice in going to seminary?  Why am I going through this?  (I call this my Job complex.)

And then, there’s my least favorites, the “What if’s…”  What if we had never moved out here?  What if I had done something differently?

So, what do we do with doubts?  I think the first thing that needs to be done is to name them.  Get them out in the open and examine them.  We might put the doubts back when we’re done, but we might be able to overcome those doubts.  Some doubts stem from the irrational fears we have.  For me, that’s not being able to provide for my family.

All this speaks to trusting God.  The author of Proverbs:

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart;
don’t rely on your own intelligence.

6 Know him in all your paths,
and he will keep your ways straight.

(Proverbs 3:5-6, CEB)

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3 thoughts on “Anger With God: Doubt

  1. Craig,

    I will just share with you, even a few of my thoughts here. They are no longer doubts, but choices I made.. and now they must fall into the place of God’s sovereignty for me.

    I chose to remain in the combat aspect as an officer in the Royal Marine’s.. RMC’s. (Over ten years, even after my theological early degrees), and then later I chose to leave the academy for the parish ministry. Indeed we as Christians must see our choices as in the hand and will of God, unless we can see for sure, some reality of error in our choice. But even there, God is sovereign! But again, I am an Anglican Calvinist. But I really love Luther also, and have spent many years reading and doing theological study with him! But then I am 61 too, and looking back now as semi-retired. But God is good! 🙂

    This might not help? Since my path and choices are no doubt much different than yours, both theological and social-political. But it has been my path!

    • Thank you for sharing!

      I post my struggles here in the hope that a) people will provide insights and b) others may benefit from those insights. But it also keeps me honest, not just with myself, but with God as well.

      My hope is that (in the future) I will be able to look back and better put to words what I’m feeling.

      Healing, at least in my experience, is an ongoing process. In order for that process to work, I have to honest with myself. And after 2 out of the last 3 nights being restless, I felt that I had to at least acknowledge my doubts. Hopefully, tonight won’t be an artificially induced coma. 😉

      • Craig,

        Nice! This reminds me of Calvin’s first subject in chapter one in his last 1559 Institutes…’The Knowledge of God And That Of Ourselves Are Connected.’ 1. ‘Without knowledge of self there is no knowledge of God’. “Nearly all wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves.”

        Though in some measure, this statement stands at the beginning of every edition of the Institutes! 🙂

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