As many of my readers know, the last six months have been a trying time. There was a lot of turmoil at the church I worked at, and, needless to say, that turmoil resulted in my job being eliminated. So here I am, with a wife and a 16 month old baby, unemployed and with no job lined up. Try as I might, six months of job hunting yielded nothing except for a handful of initial interviews. I feel like a complete and utter failure, even though I’m the one of the receiving end of bad discernment and a lack of prayerful consideration. Frustration and anger abounds where grace and love should abound.
Now, what does all this have to do with being angry at God? Despite my leanings towards open theism, traditional theology is hard to shake; every now and then it’s easy to revert back. In a traditional theological system, God knows everything that will happen (ie God has foreknowledge). In this system, God, through his foreknowledge would know that this would happen to me but yet still called me to this position. God calls, knowing that this job would last a little less than two years and knowing that I would accept. Now, that just seems problematic to me. I mean, why would a loving God put me through this?
In a traditional theological system, it is easy to say something along the lines of “God has his reasons.” or “God has a plan. God just hasn’t revealed it to you yet.” Now, don’t get me wrong here. I don’t disagree that God has a plan for my life and that this plan might not be revealed to me all at once. I do, however, think these phrases can become meaningless platitudes.
The other issue that I have revolves around the doctrine of God’s immutability. This doctrine basically holds that God cannot change. So, under a traditional theological system, my prayers go unanswered because God has already predetermined what will happen and God cannot change.
Now, since this is part of my healing process, let me ask you: Am I way of base here? Am I just having a crisis of faith?